


Aquarius

by Thorinsfurcoat



Category: Guns N' Roses
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29311893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorinsfurcoat/pseuds/Thorinsfurcoat
Summary: Billy’s gaze flickered back at the item his friend had tossed into his lap. It was a keychain, he noticed, on which hung a small metallic plate. It bore a motive, one he had seen before, but couldn’t remember where. He traced his fingers over the three parallel lightning bolt shaped lines, furrowing his eyebrows in deep thought.“You got me a keychain. Why?”“It’s not just a keychain, Billy. It’s a promise” Jeff answered slowly.
Relationships: Axl Rose & Izzy Stradlin, Axl Rose/Izzy Stradlin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Aquarius

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back after a short period of writer's block, I guess I was inspired to write something for Axl's birthday, so here's a little one shot. I wanted to try something different, and while I'm aware that there's already many fics like this one I wanted to explore Axl and Izzy's backstory a little, so here's my take on it. Enjoy!

Is there such a thing as time, he wonders, as every hour, every day looks so much the same ? Today’s not like everyday, it is special, he reminds himself, yet it feels so dull, so much like every other day. In a way, it is. Another dull, boring day, he muses as he lights another cigarette. How many does he smoke in a day now? Probably too much, and he’ll be dead by the time he reaches adulthood, he thinks with a humorless grin, but chooses to ignore that thought anyway. He’ll live to a ripe, old age to see equally boring and dull days as this one, he thinks with a sigh, watching with half heartedly fascination the swirls of smoke puffing out of his mouth dissolving into shapeless clouds, not unlike those in the sky.

He watched, and watched, the never ending movement of the wind in the corn fields, as repetitive and lulling as the ocean he hoped to see one day; the same wind that ruffled his boring, dull brown hair. Should he dye it black, like that guitarist he idolized? Paint it black, he reflected for a moment with a bemused smile, as if it were that simple.

He didn’t remember dozing off, but he must have eventually, he reminded himself as he struggled to shake the sleep off his clouded mind, clouded as the bright blue sky, bothered by only a few of these unwanted clouds, he reminded himself, smiling lazily as he lost himself into this unreadable sky before he registered the presence of another, an intruder on his personal space.

He was about to tell him off in very vicious words before he remembered- this was a special day. He had waited this long; how long exactly he couldn’t say for sure, thinking, disappointingly, that he wouldn’t come. Why would he, anyway? On a day like this, who would seek the company of a –how to define it himself, loser, outcast?- anyway, he wouldn’t come. Not that he had been expecting him, so why would he care?

But there it was; this skinny, ever so slightly androgynous body –not that he would ever tell him so, unless he had a death wish- looming over him, quiet but demanding a response to his presence, gracing him with one of his eternal questioning raised eyebrows.

“You came” he said. Not a question, not even stating a simple fact. An evidence somehow, as if he’d expected, no, known it all along. Just like he’d expected, but hoped that it somehow wouldn’t be another fresh bruise on the boy’s left eye.

“How did you notice, I wonder” the redhead replied, rolling his eyes before slumping on the hard ground beside his friend. The brown haired boy stared for a minute, wondering how such an innocent looking young man –because that’s what he was growing into- could look so defeated, depressed, burnt to the ground.

“Happy birthday, loser” he said with his best false ‘I don’t give a damn’ look, dumping unceremoniously something into his friend’s lap.

The redhead boy looked up, not bothering to spend a single look at the present, his face clearly expressing shock, surprise, happiness, amongst another thousand emotion he would never allow himself to feel.

“You remembered.” Again, it wasn’t a real question, but a simple fact.

“If I don’t, who would?” Jeff replied tiredly. Another unspoken, but too real truth.

The preacher’s son stared at the metallic object lying in his lap. It wasn’t a piece of art by far, but it still took his breath away, not that he would ever admit it though, not even to Jeff, his best friend and blood brother. He slowly ran his finger up the strange symbol, a silly, happy grin plastered to his face. 

“What’s this?” Jeff asked suddenly, frowning. Bill frowned himself, not liking his friend’s discomfort, then he caught the other boy’s gaze directed at his black eye. He tried to hide it behind his hair but wasn’t quick enough.

“My dad’s birthday gift” he replied with a humorless chuckle. “Not that he remembered anyway” he added quickly with a slight pang of regret. He almost beat himself mentally for the snarky retort until he caught a glimpse of his friend’s hurt, almost apologetic expression. Jeff extended an arm in an awkward, blink-and-you’ll miss it- gesture.

Billy all too willingly shuffled into the willing embrace, closing his eyes, enjoying the forbidden comfort he was so rarely given at home, if at all. It felt so good, he mused, just sitting there in the middle of nowhere with Jeff’s arms around him. He never questioned it, why Jeff was the only one to offer it, or why his dad would have said how wrong it was.

“Hey, ever wondered if my dad wasn’t my real dad?” Bill suddenly asked, only half meaning it, because really, how would it help him if he found out that he had been adopted?

“What would it change? He’d still be an asshole to you anyway” Jeff replied casually, lighting himself a cigarette before offering one to his friend –hey, it was his birthday after all- as if he had just read his thoughts. And maybe he had, who knew. They had grown so close, understood each other so easily now that mind reading wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities anymore.

Billy’s gaze flickered back at the item his friend had tossed into his lap. It was a keychain, he noticed, on which hung a small metallic plate. It bore a motive, one he had seen before, but couldn’t remember where. He traced his fingers over the three parallel lightning bolt shaped lines, furrowing his eyebrows in deep thought.

“You got me a keychain. Why?”

“It’s not just a keychain, Billy. It’s a promise” Jeff answered slowly, carefully choosing the words to express the meaning behind what looked like a boring, ordinary thing to give someone as a birthday present.

“A promise” Billy repeated, as if he was trying out the taste of the word in his mouth. “Explain?” he demanded, shifting slightly as he turned his face to look at his friend with his piercing green gaze.

“One day you’ll leave this shithole we call home. You’ll start a new life somewhere, you’ll get your own apartment and have a good laugh over your shitty past every time you see your keys dangling from this keychain.”  
Jeff’s voice was soft, as soft as the wind gently blowing through the corn field. Billy’s face lit up at his words, his lips slowly stretching into a smile.

“Hell yeah, I’ll buy the biggest, most expensive mansion I can find in California” he said, letting out a light laugh as his thumb ran over the engraved motif almost reverently.

“You know what this represents, right?” the brown haired boy asked gently, pointing at the strange design on the keychain. “It’s your zodiac sign” he added after the redhead failed to answer.

“Aquarius” Billy whispered in awe. “Of course. I knew I’d seen it before.” It was silly, because there was absolutely nothing exceptional about that cheap little trinket his friend had given him, yet he couldn’t take his eyes off it, watching the sunrays bounce off it, and it filled his chest with a warm, comfortable feeling.

“Do you really think I’ll have a new life somewhere else one day?” the redhead asked tentatively after a moment of smoking in silence. Jeff frowned at the uncertainty of his tone, how he suddenly sounded so much younger, not unlike a frightened child.

“I know you will, you and me both” he answered in a calm, collected voice, squeezing the other boy’s shoulder tighter, pressing him closer to his chest, feeling his heartbeat speed up a little as the redhead let out a reassured, contented sigh.

Billy soon grew bored of playing with his new keychain and stuffed it in his pocket, but made no move to disentangle himself from his friend’s warm, comforting embrace.

Jeff felt at peace, taking it all in, the bright sky, the soft rustle of the wind, the chilly air rendered more bearable with the warmth emanating from the lithe body pressed close to him.

Time no longer seemed to stand still whenever Billy was around, strangely enough, Jeff reflected as he silently watched the clouds fly by in the bright, endless sky. It was as if he was stuck in a movie played at an accelerated speed, every single time. Today was no exception, the brown haired teenager noticed with a light annoyance. It felt as if they had been sitting there for a couple of minutes only, but the position of the sun in the sky coupled with a growing chill in the air told him otherwise.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be on your way back home? Your old man will flip his shits if you’re late” Jeff said reluctantly. As much as he hated for this moment to end he couldn’t bear the thought of his friend getting in trouble because of him.

“He’ll flip his shits either way, it’s not like he needs a reason to be mad at me, don’t worry” the redhead answered in a tired, resigned voice. Jeff shivered at those words, experiencing a whole new level of cold, only this time it had nothing to do with the rapidly darkening sky.

“I suppose you’re right though, I’d better get going” Billy said with a sigh. “Just hold me a little longer, okay?” he added with a low, almost pleading whisper.

“Sure” Jeff replied in a slightly shaky voice, tightening his grip on the redhead’s body. Billy shifted slightly, slowly, almost hesitantly laying his head on his friend’s shoulder. The brown haired boy’s lips stretched in a shy little smile as he felt Bill’s body relax completely, the green eyes fluttering closed. He reached out a hand to brush over the bruise on the otherwise perfect, porcelain white face, but decided against it and settled to play with a strand of that fiery, silky red hair instead.

His body was starting to feel sore, cramped from sitting in the same position for too long, but it was worth it in the end, he mused silently. So had been the endless hours of waiting, hoping for Billy to come and find him, because in the end, he knew deep in his heart that Billy’s sixteenth birthday hadn’t maybe been his best, but definitely not his worst either by far.

***

Izzy picked at a spot on the dull beige comforter, frowning at how similar they all looked, no matter which town or hotel room they found themselves staying at. He knew he should say something, but no words came to him. After all, what was left to say, he wondered as he stared silently at the hunched form beside him, waiting. For what exactly though, he couldn’t say.

Axl’s long red hair hung in front of his face, keeping it hidden from the dark haired man’s view, but he didn’t need to see the tears he knew were flowing freely. The redhead wasn’t making a single sound, but the slight shaking in his shoulders gave it away. It never seemed to amaze Izzy in a weird fascinating kind of way, how Axl never made a sound when he cried. Even back then in their hometown, when the daily abuse he was submitted to became too much for the scrawny teenager he would sit hunched over just like this, letting the tears silently run down his face.

“I’ll get my shit together” the redhead said slowly in an unusually weak, broken voice. “I’ll change, I’ll…” he broke off, swallowing back another sob, hanging his head in defeat.

“This isn’t just about you, you know that” Izzy replied with a tired sigh. “It’s the others, their never ending addiction problems, and the pressure from management, and just… it stopped being fun for me, I guess that’s it. I’ve done my time in this band. I need to get away from it all, to do something else” he explained patiently once more.

“Have you told the others yet?” the singer asked weakly, head still hung low, face hidden behind the curtain of red hair.

“Not yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I don’t want you to leave” Axl said, sniffling loudly.

“I know” Izzy replied calmly.

“But there’s nothing I can say or do to make you change your mind” the redhead continued, slowly raising his head to meet his friend’s brown eyes with his own green tear filled ones.

“No, there isn’t” Izzy confirmed quietly, awkwardly looking away. He felt the other man shuffle next to him on the bed, fishing something out of his pocket before pressing it in the guitarist’s hand. The raven haired man frowned in confusion, then looked down at the keys in his hand; the keys to Axl’s house, attached to a familiar metallic keychain.

“You’ve kept it all this time?” Izzy said shaking his head in disbelief, smiling lightly as he ran his thumb over the object.

“A promise of a better life, remember?” the redhead said with a bittersweet smile, wiping his tears away on the sleeve of his shirt.

“I hadn’t forgotten” Izzy replied quietly. Axl didn’t say anything more, simply staring at him expectantly, a silent plea in his eyes. It took him a few moments to understand, but he finally realized what the singer wanted from him and slowly, awkwardly extended his arms invitingly.

The redhead immediately shuffled closer, laying his head on the other man’s shoulder as he curled up as close to him as possible. Izzy let out a sigh, wrapping his arms around the other man while a single tear ran down his face.

The singer slowly, almost hesitantly retrieved the object he had just offered and careful not to move from the comfortable hug detached the keys from the keychain in one swift motion, then tucked them back in his pocket. He held the keychain dangling from his fingers for a short moment, as if considering his next move, and pressed it back into the other man’s hand, closing his fingers around it as if to prevent any kind of rejection.

“Keep it” Axl said shakily between half swallowed sobs, gesturing towards the guitarist’s hand. “Like a promise. If you have to go, then go. But when you feel ready, you’ll come and bring it back to me.”

It wasn’t a question, and the singer wasn’t expecting an answer. The dark haired man’s hand closed tightly around the keys and he hugged his friend even closer to him. His shirt was getting wet from the other man’s tears, but he found out he didn’t really care.

“Just… just hold me a little longer, okay?” Axl said in a broken voice that tugged right at Izzy’s heartstrings, and he complied, gently rubbing soothing circles on his friend’s back with one hand. The other one was still firmly shut around the metallic object, knuckles white as it dug painfully into his flesh. He didn’t dare open his fingers, for if he did the last of his resolve might vanish at the mere sight of a simple, ridiculous keychain.

“I should have thrown the damn thing in the nearest trashcan years ago” Axl croaked out, wiping furiously at his wet eyes, wishing for the tears to finally stop flowing, for the pain to go away and leave him numb and empty.

“I’ll do it for you” Izzy said in a strangely calm voice. “First thing I do when I leave this room is getting rid of this thing.”  
He felt Axl’s lips stretch in a wry grin, a dry chuckle escaping him.

“Yeah, you do that. I know you will.”

**Author's Note:**

> I actually had a dream about Slash giving Axl an aquarius keychain, but decided that Izzy would fit a lot better here. Comments are always welcome !


End file.
